“For the Lord is our defence; and the Holy One of Israel is our King.”
The situation was complicated, and the potential for divisive conflict was significant. Repeatedly, I met with the parties involved, attempting to explain why we responded as we did. However, there appeared to be no move towards reconciliation or thawing of intransigent positions.
One morning, as I sat in my office, reading the Psalms, I came across this verse in Psalm 89. At that moment, the Holy Spirit confronted me with a penetrating question, "Am I your defence." My answer was immediate, "Of course, Lord!" He replied, "Why, then, are you trying so hard to protect your position and defend yourself?" Immediately, I understood this rebuke in the context of the issue. I realized that for the two years since the problem erupted, my paramount goal was to defend myself, my decisions, and my integrity. It was a moment of revelation and subsequent repentance. It evolved into a positive time of self-discovery.
Defensive behaviour is a mechanism to react to 'perceived' or 'actual threats' to our identity and/or worth. It manifests itself in negative or aggressive reactions to challenge dismissive or suspicious behaviour of others and their motives, intentional avoidance of non-supportive people and contentious issues, or the deflection of blame away from self to others. It involves the unwillingness to accept responsibility for anything that may reflect personal worth, value or ability. It is a reluctance to receive correction or assume blame in a constructive and healthy way.
What provokes defensive behaviour? Why do we so quickly rise to our own defence?
Defensive reactions are fueled by personal insecurities and/or a misinterpretation of the intentions of others. Those insecurities come as a result of one or a combination of any of the following personal struggles:
Accepting a low self-value is derived from a lack of past affirmation or traumatic experience.
Affirmation, particularly in childhood and adolescence, plays an enormous part in the person's sense of value in adulthood. Defensiveness is often an attempt to remedy that deficit. It is a mechanism for establishing personal worth and value in the eyes of others.
A fear that others do not accept or understand one's ideas and strong convictions.
When one cannot separate personal ideas or opinions from identity, the reaction to any challenge (real or perceived) that comes against those ideas or opinions will be defensive.
An inability to handle real or perceived rejection.
The natural human psyche is closely associated with acceptance and rejection. Everyone desires to be unequivocally embraced and accepted by others. However, that dream can never fully be recognized. When hypersensitive to criticism, any conversation stimulating a sense of rejection will be met with defensive behaviour.
An imposter syndrome that keeps one from trusting one's own call and abilities.
I repeatedly encounter leaders who admit to having difficulty believing they qualify for their positions. They perform their duties with the constant fear that their lack of qualifications for their role will be discovered. Consequently, great pains are taken to guard the pretense they minister under. One way to guard that pretense is through defensive posturing.
Solutions:
The first step in mitigating a destructive defensive reaction is admitting it is a personal negative issue. Then, it is important to determine the behaviour's root cause. Counsellors are trained to assist in this discovery process. It is a worthwhile investment that will pay great leadership dividends.
Subsequent to the admission and the discovery of the cause of hyper-defensive reactions is the creation of new positive pathways to help eliminate this potentially crippling habit replacing it with healthy response mechanisms. Here are some helpful steps:
Believe and continually reinforce God's appraisal of our worth and value apart from our performance.
We are more than our past, more than our present abilities, more than our best ideas, opinions or performance. Many leaders embrace this concept in theory but deny it in their lived-out practical behaviour.
It is often easier to believe in God's positive appraisal of others than to accept His appraisal of oneself. He is always gentler with us than we are with ourselves. It is important to anchor our lives in His evaluation, clearly articulated in His Word, not our own. Only then can we learn to accept that He has created us exactly as He intended, and we need not defend that fact.
Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, with lovingkindness, I have drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you."
We should have faith in God's 'call' and absolute trust in His promise to equip us for every situation we will face in ministry.
According to Romans 11:29, God's gifts and call are irrevocable. He did not choose us in error or abandon us in our imperfection. Our feelings play no significant part in His decision to choose us to serve Him. Knowing and believing this. We can be vulnerable and transparent, certain that disclosing our weakness will not disqualify us from our call or determine our value to His Kingdom.
Romans 8:29-30, "For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like his Son so that His Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, He called them to come to Him. And having called them, He gave them right standing with Himself. And having given them right standing, He gave them His glory."
When we firmly establish our call, it becomes futile to squander emotional capital defending our worth, ideas, opinions, or positions.
Believe that God will defend and protect us and learn to leave our defence in His capable hands.
When we can let go of the need to defend and protect ourselves, trusting that God will be our defence, we can accept the challenges and criticisms of others, using them as positive building blocks in constructing our own character.
If God has authenticated our leadership, nothing will alter that. If God initiates our ideas, nothing will prevent them. If they are not of God, they will come to nothing regardless of how vehemently we defend them. Remember the wise counsel of Gamilliels to the Sanhedrin in Acts 5:28,29 when the disciples were brought before them? "So, my advice is, leave these men alone. Let them go. If they are planning and doing these things merely on their own, it will soon be overthrown. But if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!"
In Psalm 62:5-7, David wrote: "I depend on God alone; I put my hope in Him. He alone protects and saves me; He is my defender, and I shall never be defeated. My salvation and honour depend on God; He is my strong protector; He is my shelter" (GNT).
How did my issue turn out? Under the direction of the Holy Spirit, while fighting my natural inclinations, I went to the home of the aggrieved individual. I asked for forgiveness, not for the discipline exercised but for the deep hurt it had caused this person. The scorpion's venom was neutralized when I stopped my defensive posturing, reconciliation occurred, and God received the glory. Only a few months later, the individual and I travelled on an extended mission trip together—a win for the Kingdom.
I recently heard this line: "No matter what accusation comes against me, nothing can come anywhere close to the truth. I am all those things and more, except for Jesus. In Him, I am a new creation; old things are gone, and new things have come."
Al is an experienced pastor and counselor who works out of our ABNWT District Resource Centre in Edmonton as the Pastoral Care Coordinator. A pastor to the pastors, Al is a friend, mentor, and confidante to all.